The Cat In The Hat

The Cat In The Hat is now on the loose and we need a review in the style of Dr Seuss. I would not, should not, write these words. A joke' like this is for the birds. I will not write it at my desk, I will not write it in my vest. I will not write it, not no way. (You won't get paid - Ed.) Shit. OK.

Platforms and jumping, all that sort of farce. Based on the film though, so lacking in class. You are the Cat, cleaning your mess. Sonic meets Mario but markedly less. Goo-balls, bubbles, Thing 2 and Thing 1. But no Michael Myers whose voice costs a ton. Alec Baldwin turns up though, destroying his cred. Though why should he care with Kim Basinger in bed?

They say it's for kids, but kids can't be fooled. They're all into hip-hop, you marketing tools. A shameless cash-in is the path they have taken. To the lowest of hells their souls are forsaken. The coders, the woders, the artists and suits. The marketers, sharketers, fat cats and klutes. Nobody cares that this is just trash, everyone just wants a big pile of cash. The Cat In The Hat? A book filled with wit. As for the game, a big pile of sh...