Conspiracy: Weapons of Mass Destruction

In A Move certain to send shockwaves along the spine of established game cliche protocols everywhere, the hero of action-packed shooter, Conspiracy: Weapons Of Mass Destruction is 51! This means he's as likely to be struggling against the forces of evil and darkness as he is againsthis aching back and dodgy hip. Unfortunately, it's the only concession to originality in this laughable attempt at creating a modern-day shooter. If Half-Life 2 is at one end of the spectrum, pushing back the very fabric of what is capable with today's technology, Conspiracy is still looking up how to spell spectrum in the dictionary.

Five (count 'em) whole levels of mediocre visuals, non-existent Al and simplistic level design. Five levels that take about 20 minutes to zip through. Five levels to save the world from a giant missile in a plot so poor it could have come straight from any braindead pre-teen Saturday morning kids G.I. Joe cartoon. Although that would have featured better animation.

You can tell the level of care being spent on this when you read "After you install Euro Rally Champion..." in the manual. There's no option to up the screen resolution from 640x480, the death sequence is dull and the graphics are shit. Thirty quid has never seemed so worthless.