If you've ever been jealous of Jeremy Clarkson's globetrotting exploits, now you too can travel the world and drive fast cars. And you don't even have to wear jeans six sizes too small. You do, unfortunately, still have to listen to bad rock music, but you can't have everything.
Cruis'n World is the sequel to Cruis'n USA, which should make people fearful right from the off. Remember Cruis'n USA? The driving game that bore as much resemblance to real-life racing as urine does to champagne? The bad news is that Cruis'n World not only follows in the family tradition, but is, if anything, even worse than its predecessor!
Okay, maybe that's not possible. But Cruis'n World is as bad as its predecessor, and since the original game is getting on for two years old, that's even less good than it sounds.
At first glance, things don't look too terrible. The visuals and colours are, even in the PAL game, sharp and intense, with a decent amount of detail. They move at quite a reasonable clip too. Once things start moving, though, it instantly becomes clear that a few sacrifices have been made in order to keep the speed up. Trees, buildings, entire canyons beam into view before your very eyes about three car lengths ahead of your motor.
Unlike the first game, Cruis'n World has a four-player mode, which manages to just about maintain full speed at the cost of even more scenery. Merely having a four-player game isn't enough, though - it needs to be exciting as well, and Cruis'n World doesn't deliver. Once the race is under way, jostling for position has all the thrills of trying to get into the fastest queue at McDonalds.
The single-player game isn't going to make your ventricles burst with excitement either. In the arcade-style 'Cruise The World' mode you have unlimited mini-turbos, fired by a double tap of the A button, which give you a tiny increase in speed at the cost of accurate steering. Fire a couple at the start to get ahead of the pack, and from then on it's just a matter of obstructing anyone who tries to overtake.
The new game has the same faults as the old - crashes are infuriating predetermined animations that often have no connection to the event that caused them, getting down a track is (like Off Road Challenge last issue) just a matter of jamming the stick left or right on the turns, and the music is still terrible.
Cruis'n World stinks like a dead dog on a dungheap. The scary thing is that Nintendo, noted worldwide for the high quality of its games, allowed its name to be attached to it. Are they mad? On the other hand, Cruis'n USA was a million-seller in the States despite being lamer than a duck with no legs. As PT Barnum once said, "There's a sucker born every minute," and every one of them will probably rush out and buy this game. Don't follow their example.
Cruis'n World DownloadsCruis'n World download
Slightly better than the first one, but you'll probably still need some cheats to get something out of one of Nintendo's less accomplished titles.
Two wheeler: If you double tap A while holding left or right, you can take your vehicle onto two wheels. This can be a useful and fast way to take corners.
Power boost: Double tap A quickly while racing to do a wheelie and speed up a bit.
Secret cars: You have to earn your extra cars in Cruis'n World, oh yes. Beat the following tracks in the following times to win the following cars. Following, yes.
Sequel to Cruis'n USA, which despite being made two years later is just as bad as the original. Nintendo, sort yourselves out!
Why Nintendo chose to put their name to this appalling sequel to one of the N64's worst games is a mystery of Area 51 proportions.
Get more than 20 points on championship mode and you can change the colour of your car with the L and R buttons.