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Say Hello To the monk, the recently revealed Diablo III class who rather than sitting cross-legged in a hill-top monastery, is far more likely to slap you 100 times in a second before appearing behind you and kicking you in the arse. That's his trick, and he sidles up to the three revealed classes - the Barbarian, Witch Doctor and Wizard - filling the fourth slot on the Diablo III character selection screen and shuffling next to the question mark obscuring the yet-to-be unveiled fifth guy.
While my peers sipped champagne with a man dressed as the Licli King (Blizzard's stand in Cologne was celebrating the launch of BlizzCon on the other side of the planet), I instead resigned myself to the booth's back room, where machines running Blizzard's click-a-thon were duly whirring away, oblivious to the frivolities happening all around them.
The guest on show involved finding a path to the doomed city of Alcarnus, through a desert with menacing location names like The Howling Plateau and The Scything Winds.
The ambiguously titled Fallen formed the desert's cannon fodder enemy, small impish creatures wielding clubs and short swords who'd attack in packs of around 12. Occasionally they'd be led by a mage who'd attempt to resurrect fallen Fallen, but these creatures are little more than the area's XP bubblewrap. The real menaces are the dune dervishes, whose whirling blades force you into a hasty retreat. There was also something big that tore me to bits far too quickly for me to notice what it was.
The monk himself is a melee combat specialist, less lumbering than the rippling mass of twitching muscle that's the barbarian, blit more physically able than the other two spellcasters, and potentially more gory than the rest combined. His main attack (at level 12 at least, the point at which I was allowed take lip the reins) is the Exploding Palm, which I will now discuss in excruciating detail because honestly, I haven't played anything like Diablo since completing Divine Divinity and, when it conies to clicking on things to make them dead, I'm feeling a little underqualified.
Exploding Palm is a three-part attack, the first part landing a blow to the tune of 40% of your weapon's maximum damage. Part two does the same, but at 60% of your maximum damage. Part three is where things get interesting, causing bleeding for 70 seconds on your chosen target and, if they succumb to your onslaught, causes them to explode in a rapidly expanding hemisphere of globulous blood, stringy, burnt flesh and bony shrapnel. Absurdly, that's the third click of one of your most basic attacks - a move that makes enemies disintegrate with explosive force, taking out bystanders and leaving a wide, bloody smear across the floor. The sort of spectacle usually reserved for a high-end, mana-sapping superpower in other games happens pretty much on every third click of the left mouse button in Diablo III, and needless to say, you'll be seeing a lot of it.
Driving my monk onwards, I happen upon a quest from Poltahr the treasure hunter. This would lead me into some underground ruins to retrieve the idol of Rygnar with the cheering, blood-thirsty Poltahr in tow. Loot spewed from downed enemies. Unidentified skullcaps and magical swords (unequippable by the monk class, who uses two-handed staffs) were left littering the dungeon floor. I wasn't interested in vendor junk, given the time I had, but sifting through the detritus threw up some nice finds. My Monster Clutches gloves gave me a 13% increased chance of finding magical items, while my "Amulet of Devouring" awarded me one life point per hit. Which was nice.
The monk's defensive abilities are highlighted in the class's cinematic introduction. His Impenetrable Defense skill protects him from damage for three seconds while he spins his staff about in all directions. This is replaced later by Inner Sanctuary, which paints a ring around the monk into which enemies can't enter, creating breathing space while you dish out area-of-effect attacks without fear of retribution. Retrieving the idol of Rygnar and completing the quest levelled me up - an event that carries with it a shockwave that lops limbs from enemies - and I dropped my new skill point into Way of the Hundred Fists. Similar to the monk's basic attack, this is made up of three parts: a dash, six rapid-fire hits (not 100, the lying bastards) and then a radial attack hitting all nearby enemies for 80% weapon damage.
Use this inside your Inner Sanctuary and, if you're anything like me, you'll feel pleased that you've managed to thread two abilities together. I looked around to see if any impressed developers were nodding in appreciation, instead a sad-looking woman in a Blizzard T-shirt took my beer away and told me off for bringing it into a room full of electronics.
Talking in such detail about the intricately balanced skillset detracts from the visceral thrill of simply playing Diablo III though, and to an extent (especially as the barbarian) you can run through the game without paying attention to your buffs.
The old stereotypes prove true: Diablo III is a game about clicking. Click to attack, click to move, click to pick up items and gold. Attacks are bound to the left and right mouse buttons, with buffs and spells laid out across the number keys, while the tab key swaps in a third attack skill to replace whatever's bound to the right mouse button.
Simplicity is what drives Diablo III. It's an immediately engaging adventure, now bolstered by the fine detail covering every inch of its world and the weightier narrative given to each of the character classes. They're a chatty bunch now, with NPCs responding appropriately to the class you've chosen. Wizards aren't trusted, while Barbarians are feared. The monk's a brooding sort, but no matter what class you choose you can be certain thousands of hovering exclamation marks will want your attention.
Crumbling architecture brings a level of physicality to your more powerful abilities, while swarms of enemies demonstrate the game's brutality and gore. Blasting a host of enemies from a bridge using Way of the Hundred Fists never fails to satisfy, and though you'll wonder how half the masonry you encounter has managed to stay upright for as long as it has (especially when a stiff breeze seems to be all that's needed to bring things tumbling down), the flashy physics are a welcome spectacle -even if the isolated way in which they're employed can be off-putting.
Diablo III is not a tectonic shift forwards for the click-a-thon genre, rather it's a refined, updated stab at it. And with the series' revival Blizzard will undoubtedly lead the genre with as much authority as they demanded from us almost a decade ago. What's really astounding is how effortless they've made it all look.
Download Diablo 3
If You Listened diligently during all the huff and puff over the release of StorCraft II, you might've heard latent buzz of 100,000 abandoned dungeon crawl fans whinging in unison.
Spaceships and zerglings are all very well, but what about the lovely way loot springs from a chest in Dioblo II? What about defensive walls made of zombies, tumbling masonry, fat blokes that explode into a floor of slithering snake-gut things? Where is the hack and slash we were promised back in the misty days of 2008? Whither the Barbarian? When shall the Witch Doctor create skinless mongrels then explode them next to a crowd of skellingtons? Well, when it's done.
As ever. But Diablo III is probably most likely to emerge at this time next year -the exact timing of which should be outlined over the course of BlizzCon in October.
Much like StarCraftll, Diablo III may not prove the future of gaming, but it will be a supremely polished and honed update of its past. It will also, no doubt, come with some fairly snazzy online options in its ties to Battle, net to make your co-op adventuring sing.