Happy Feet

If You Happen to believe in the almighty one and the creationist theory, then penguins must have been what god managed to cobble together at 3am after a night of copious drug-taking and propping up the bar at his local. Flightless, aguatic and unable to walk without looking like they've just followed through, they're a subject of worldwide fascination. This time around, they've managed to avoid David Attenborough but have been collared by Warner Brothers for their feelgood family feature -and this is the obligatory dire gaming tie-in.

The game is, perhaps rather predictably, a massive pile of crap. Despite being squarely aimed at the younger end of the market, its major downfall is that the developers have been cheeky enough to cobble together an entire title from three mini-games.

The first is a rhythm-action game a la Dance Dance Revolution; the next is a tedious sledding game in an SSX-style, but minus everything that ever made that series fun; and rounding out this less-than-stellar bunch is a badly-handling, on-rails collecting section. Each one is then lazily regurgitated time and time again, until the point where even a six-year-old would kick the developers in the balls and demand a bit more variation.

Combine all of this with with some sloppy console graphics, and it starts to shed new light on why penguins disappear for months at a time. Mr Attenborough would have you believe that they're off feeding, but I reckon it's just the shame.