Woody Woodpecker Racing

Now, I may just be misremembering my youth - all those wasted years sitting in front of children's telly, from Dangermouse to Dogtanian, from Magpie to Metal Mickey- but Woody Woodpecker was crap, wasn't he? Okay, the oft-repeated signature laugh was OK but he was always one of the second-rate cartoon stars. He may have kept America smiling during the misery of World War II, but he'd have been eaten alive had he ever strayed into Looney Toon territory. And does anyone actually remember anything about the cartoons themselves? Hardly a memorable supporting cast -Wally Walrus, Knothead, Buzz Buzzard? I might as well be reading a list of shadow cabinet members for all the familiarity those names will bring.

Anyway, all you need to know is that Woody Woodpecker Racing is a cheap and not-so-cheerful Mario Kart knock-off that is no more deserving of your valuable drinking time than Jim Davidson is deserving of a prime-time television show on a major national network. Sloppy handling and controls, lacklustre visuals and audio effects, and about as much long-term appeal as a night in bed with Bernard Manning. It's not even as though Konami has understood the licence it's got. The game is so obviously pitched towards the children's market that it might as well come with a free lollipop or Pokemon card. But the game is so badly designed and the vehicles handle so poorly that kids will lose interest approximately seven seconds after the first race finishes. Besides which, they won't even know who the flying-duck Woody Woodpecker is. The only people who remember him are sad twats like me - in our late 20s early 30s. And we've even less interest in playing a kiddie racer than the sprogs.

One to avoid. One to seriously avoid. It'll only make you angry it you don't.

Konami brings Walter Lantz's famous cast of characters to the race track this November. It includes nine (three of which are hidden) of your favorite characters--Chilly Willy, Wally Walrus and Woody Woodpecker himself among them. You race in specialized cars corresponding to the level you choose--i.e., a Jalopy in the Junkyard level. Modes include World Championship, Quest, Single and Multiplayer (for two players).