Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved

Black Hole, black hole... Art thou a handy friend, granting me temporary refuge by means of your intense gravitational field? Or art thou, as many might suspect "a f***ing-bastard-stupid-shit"? Yes, it's Geometry Wars, turning sane folks into profanity-spewing demons as it did on console. What we've got is pretty much identical to the 360 version: as pure a shoot 'em up as you'll ever see, with as simple a rule-set as games generally allow. To play, you really need a gamepad -mouse and keyboard isn't half as good. The left analogue stick moves your ship about the right controls the direction of your bullets. Enemies of increasing degrees of complexity throw themselves at you, each with its own behavioural patterns and distinctive 'birth noise', which you must bury deep inside your subconscious mind and routinely exploit in your efforts to achieve a slightly higher score than last time. You could write a thesis on this game, and many people probably have.

Space-Hungry

Some drawbacks arrive with this Vistaexclusive version, however. The game is more suited to the dimensions of an HDTV than a typical monitor, despite the option to ramp up the resolution. It's hard to see what's happening when it begins to look like an exploding fireworks factory, or a truck carrying kaleidoscopes crashing into a shop full of stained-glass windows, or whatever simile you'd care to misuse. Plus, on anything less than a 21-inch screen, the excessively flashy visuals hinder the game slightly. There's also a yet-to-be-patched-up exploit involving Vista's fancy alt-tabbing, which slows the game to a stutter, meaning that you can rack up huge scores, albeit quite slowly. And, of course, the very fact that it's needlessly exclusive to Vista will be a sticking point for some, but that's a criticism to be aimed at Microsoft, and not this beautifully crafted shoot 'em up.

It's only a $4 download too, so if you're running Vista, this purchase could only be described as, well, logical. Even more so if you don't own a 360. If you're still on XP, however (and you probably are), this isn't even nearly reason enough to rush out and upgrade. That said, Geometry Wars is a near perfect port at a perfect price point. Get it. if you can.