Its Quite The month for officially licensed games, eh? (What, two? Hardly a flood - Ed) Quiet. Alexander is based on the massive blockbuster (ahem) that was the Colin Farrell-starring historical romp and is surely the only game in history that has any kind of connection with Angelina Jolie. (What about Tomb Raider? Ed) I said be quiet. Certainly the only RTS anyway.
And what an RTS it is! Phenomenally poor. Rome: Total War is the obvious influence (well, actually an easy exploitation of a momentary popular piece of popular culture in order to make pots of cash is the most obvious influence...) but it can't hold an elephant's tusk to that particular epic. Instead you get an unresponsive, tactics-free mess of a game that really should be ignored.
- PC compatible
- Operating systems: Windows 10/Windows 8/Windows 7/2000/Vista/WinXP
'Based On Oliver Stone's Epic Film' read the words emblazoned on the box. That should help it shift some copies, because the quality of the game certainly won't. Reeking of a rush job and criminally lacking imagination, Alexander looks about as appealing as something you'd scrape off your shoe and flush down the toilet for fear of infection.
The hideously-dated engine does its best to make you believe that Alexander is an epic RTS, but in truth, the grainy graphics and abysmal pile-ups posing as battles are an insult to any self-respecting 3D card.
The majority of levels require you to either schlep around massive maps and skirmish with pockets of enemy resistance, or squint at your monitor like a lazy-eyed spod as hundreds of miniscule troops mill around the level unresponsively, before eventually (at the tenth time of asking) cramming into tightly knit clusters that negate any tactical or even non-tactical input from you. And don't even get me started on the voiceacting, with most of the characters sounding more like bemused dopes than great military leaders.
On the plus side, there are a couple of vaguely pleasant touches, such as combatants falling over when hit and rising back up to rejoin the hostilities, along with a decent selection of units. There's also some attempt at variety thanks to a few incredibly basic naval battles.
For the most part though, Alexander is a mess, a hurriedly produced and lazily-designed RTS produced to cash in on gamers hoping to relive the film's stunning battles. Just make sure you're not one of them.