Star Trek Shattered Universe

When you're playing a Star Trek game that a) takes place in Classic Trek continuity, b) is set in the semi-obscure Mirror Universe (remember the episode where Spock had that rad goatee?), and c) has you serve under Captain Sulu on the USS Excelsior, you know it's been made with hardcore Trek followers in mind. But Shattered Universe is such a shambles that it can't even earn the caveat "for fans only." It lacks any of the elements that might pull someone in, Trekkie or not. Get ready for yawn-inducing spaceshooting missions packed with massive waves of enemies so dumb, they'll sometimes bash themselves to death against the Excelsior's shields. Even unintentionally funny level briefings by Sulu himself, George Takei, can't salvage this wreck. Shattered Universe is a major step below the standards set by modern space shooters like...well, frankly, any of them. Even Star Trek V: The Final Frontier was more entertaining than this.

When Trekkies will pay for a glass of water from which a sick cast member sipped (watch the documentary Trekkies for proof), you can bet someone's counting on them to seek out anything bearing the series' insignia, including this space debris. Despite the episode-quality presentation of its cut-scenes, Shattered Universe is shamefully uninspired. Trust me, you don't want to fly sortie after mind-numbing sortie of hour-long missions that almost always end in tragedy, forcing you to restart the whole flavorless affair.

If Shattered Universe was made for inhabitants of the game's screwball alternate dimension, where good is bad and bad is good, it would be freaking great. Because only in a bizarro universe would anyone fancy facing nigh-endless waves of identical enemies, or watching badly computer-generated Star Trek characters, or playing frustrating levels that never seem to end. Note to the game's designers: If a mission's secondary objective is to beat it in under 17 minutes, you might want to think about adding in a checkpoint, or maybe just getting out of the game-design biz altogether.