Extreme Pinball

Obidiah Radamanthus, The Famous two-tiered bed manufacturer, at a meeting with his workers in 1885 to announce wage cuts and a new sex slave policy with their wives, was surprised to hear them mention last year's salary. "Last year is history," he said in his unpleasant Northern accent, "and history is bunk." Then again, on other occasions he also said, "Geography is bunk," and "Latin is bunk," and even, on one particularly memorable occasion, "Home Economics is bunk." But then after all, he was the inventor of the bunk bed.

Back to history. An ancient Japanese philosopher once said, "Never forget you work within a context or that you're part of history. And never ever forget to clench your buttocks and grip the seat in front of you when passing wind on the Bullet Train." It's the history bit we're interested in here. Epic produced a pinball game a few years ago called, with some degree of imagination. Epic Pinball. It was fast, smooth-scrolling, and shareware. And it got good reviews.

Two years later

Enter Extreme Pinball. And it's exactly the same as Epic Pinball. However, things have changed in the interim. We've all got a bit older and a bit wiser (except for those who've got a bit stupider from playing too many computer games). Pinball games are now more sophisticated. And this... is exactly the same.

Which means?

A flat, top-down viewpoint of a scrolling table that moves pretty quickly. Music which sounds rather like Rolf Harris impersonating Kraftwerk. Sound effects that can best be described as muted. Graphics that were functional rather than stunning even two years ago.

There are four tables, but as one of them is already available as shareware you're really only getting three for your money. Each has a 'theme': Mediaeval Knights, Monkey Madness, Urban Chaos, and Rock Fantasy. In other words, each table has a few badly executed drawings scattered about that look like they may have been done by the bloke who does the paintings for betting shop windows, and the holes, ramps and stuff have suitably different names.

Basically, there's nothing that hasn't been seen before in the other million pinball games around. There's nothing really wrong with it, but then there's nothing to make you sit up and take notice. It's a pinball game, and it works. That's about it. It doesn't have any faults as such, it's just old hat. If you want top-quality pinball action, with great visuals, get Pro Pinball: The Web.