Patriots: A Nation Under Fire

From the moment you first run out of ammunition and literally explode a terrorist's head with your hammer, to the first time you trigger a Mexican-sounding terrorist into saying "I like to shoot them 'een the eyes", you'll be aware of a stupid, illogical charm in Patriots.

Sure, it's too hard to be any fun. Not hard in a challenging way - more in a stupid, dull way that has EASY opponents refusing to shoot, and HARD opponents taking perfect cover and sniping you from the moon.

And sure, I ended up walking outside the play zone - unable to reenter the combat, and leaving dentmarks on the invisible wall with my hammer. Sure, there's not enough ammo to give you a sporting chance, so many terrorists it just feels like a stupid zombie mod, and your squad love nothing more than to stand in your way and not move. Oh, and I couldn't get the sniper's alternate fire to work. It's easy to list a million ways in which this game fails to grip, entertain, engage or even work.

So Patriots: A Nation Under Fire may be one of the worst games I've played this year, but to its credit, it knows full well how rubbish it is. Hardly a reason to buy it, but you've got to admire the style of a company who make their terrorists sound like Speedy Gonzales. I want to give it a higher score, but I'd be quite justifiably ridiculed, attacked and sacked if I did.