Madden NFL 2002

American sports. Loathe them or hate them, we can't understand them. Football, as they ludicrously insist on calling it, might seem reasonably simple. Heavily padded brick shithouses attempt to propel an egg-shaped ball from one end of a field to the other. However, closer inspection reveals a bewildering world of incomprehensible formations and tactics. Thankfully, veteran coach John Madden is on hand to provide a few pointers.

With the ball at your disposal, and faced with an array of elaborate configurations, the only real option is to 'ask Madden,' whereby your players will line up according to his selection. The rest is up to you. Depending on how many yards you have to go, you can either bum-rush the line, or use your quarterback to try and hit one of your wide receivers.

When it comes to defence, however, it's a whole different ball game. No help is offered, and given that you can only control one player at a time, there's not really a great deal you can actually do. In fact, for all the difference it makes, at this point you might as well do something useful like flick through Teletext or put the kettle on. In fact, defending is so tedious that you're almost tempted to let the other team score simply so you can have the ball back.

The bottom line is that American Football doesn't make for a particularly great game. And while Madden is undeniably a technically accomplished representation of the sport, it's also one that we are never going to play again.