Super Taxi Driver

Being a miserable twat isn't all it's cracked up to be. Not only do you have to constantly endure grinning dickheads urging you to cheer up, but you also get the unenviable task of reviewing much of the gaming detritus that trickles into the office. Super Taxi Dr/Verfalls comfortably into that category, and has done nothing to alleviate the New Year gloom.

A shameless rip-off of the vastly superior Dreamcast game, Crazy Taxi, this low-grade imitation is largely without any redeeming features. Selecting one of three (count 'em) wholly untypical taxis, the idea is to transport nondescript customers from one bland street to another in a graphically murky city that may or may not be San Francisco. The action takes place against the clock (and a background of porn music), with money awarded depending on how much each customer enjoyed the journey. Deliver your fares on time, and you eventually move on to an equally moribund stage.

So far, so plagiarised, but it's all handled in such a leaden fashion as to avoid any accusations of being either crazy or super. Collision detection is ropey to say the least, and it isn't even possible to take any worthwhile shortcuts, as in the world of Super Taxi Driver, areas of flat grass prove infuriatingly impassable. Success is almost entirely dependent on the random positioning of the customers and their destinations, which are often comfortably within walking distance. This kind of muck might be able to keep weak-minded gamers entertained for a couple of hours, but that's only marginally less time than it took to program.