Real War

What’s your name soldier? Sir, Real War sir. And what are you soldier? Sir, I’m an isometric-cum-3D RTS, based around a conflict between the USA and a terrorist organisation called the ILA sir. Really? Looks to me like you’re a pathetic excuse for an RTS, released criminally unfinished to cash in on a current world conflict. Sir, no sir. Bullshit. Never have I seen such a blatant attempt to exploit a war for the purposes of selling a game. Sir, no sir. Well that's what it seems like to me soldier. Show me your graphics (looks at screenshots). What the hell are these? Those tanks look like the kind of mess left by your thumb after you’ve stopped using it to pick your arse and tried to master finger-painting. What else have you got soldier? Sir, two campaigns (US or ILA) and a skirmish mode sir. I suppose next you’ll be telling me there are extensive tech trees. Sir yes, sir. Well we’ve never seen one of these before have we? A collection of predictable building upgrades thrown together with less thought than was put into thinking of your name. Sir, I’ve got over 60 authentic units sir. Well bung me out with a shit-stained toilet brush, I do believe we’ve finally found something you’re good at Private Real War, tell me more. Sir, I've got everything from special units to nuclear weapons, and all the latest US ground, air and sea technology sir. Well it’s just as well there’s something going for you, because you’ve got more bugs than a cheap treacle-covered whore trapped in an ants’ nest. Your units have worse pathfinding skills than a bunch of blind boy scouts, and you’ve made Full Metal Jacket star R Lee Ermey’s commentary sound like he’s an over-acting idiot. Get the hell off my machine and stop contaminating my software. Sir thank you sir. No problem son.