Hospital Tycoon

Fed Up Of hospital waiting lists? Sick of long queues, rubbish doctors and hospital super-bugs? Reckon you could do any better? This hospital simulator gives you the chance to succeed where Labour have failed, borrowing heavily from Bullfrog's classic, Theme Hospital.

The best parts involve watching patients' new ailments, from lycanthropy to monkey nuts (which, unfortunately, is not as rude as it might sound). After all of that, you then get to marvel at the subsequent bizarre treatments to cure them. Unfortunately, everything else is just a case of providing the right machines and rooms, and it all lacks any real sense of engagement.

At the end of each day, the story mode subjects you to a humourless series of clips which are meant to detail the social events between your staff. However, instead of adding extra layers to the story, these vignettes feel like little more than a tacked-on afterthought and add nothing to the gameplay.

You can't seem to get the staff nowadays either. All three of my janitors spent their time socialising in the staff room while the rest of the hospital wallowed in dirt and puddles of sick, and some patients wandered around aimlessly until they died, instead of registering like a good patient should. This was compounded by the lack of control you have over both patients and staff members. Sadly, ten years on, Hospital Tycoon has added nothing new to Theme Hospital's stellar gameplay and ends up feeling, a bit like its subject, cold and clinical.