18 Wheels of Steel: Extreme Trucker

Extremity is relative. For somebody who routinely leaps off bridges without a bungie cord doing something extreme would involve nipple clamps, speeding trains, imagination and jail time.

For somebody whose life consists of staring listlessly at a motorway from inside a moving box, occasionally remembering to stop at red lights, and go at green ones, an unexpected fart is extreme enough to turn every font within a 20-mile radius into that "flame" font you used to get on lunch boxes.

Extreme Trucker earns its title by virtue of its three, utterly off-the-wall locations. Ever dreamt of driving a truck in the snow? This one's got you covered. How about driving a truck with three trailers across the Australian outback? Hell yeah, now we're talking extreme trucking. And then, once you've become numb to the thrill of cold places, hot places and very long trucks, how about driving a truck along some winding mountain paths in South America? If Extreme Trucking can't reignite that burning passion you once had for driving virtual trucks, you're either dead, or it's for one of the following reasons.

A Flying Truck

There was satisfaction to be found in the mundanity of law-abiding in 18 Wheels of Steel: American Long Haul. Observing the rules of the road was crucial to what was otherwise a basic driving simulator. Extreme Trucker removes the police, the speed limits, the trucking tycoon elements, the traffic lights, the junctions, everything that made that grump of a game marginally interesting, and leaves you with an appalling engine and three stretches of winding road. The driving model is so poor, it's not even possible to enjoy this game ironically. That I can criticise this game beyond simply pointing and scoffing, "What kind of wanker wants to pretend to drive a truck?" shocks me to my core. If I've one thing to thank for, it's my intimate knowledge of over 40 niche simulation genres, every pissing Sims expansion and Stuff pack, and one unyielding tide of copy-and-paste Chinese free-to-play MMORPGs.

Come to think of it, thank god this rag's gone under. Good riddance.