The Sims: Superstar

How Exactly do you become a superstar? Do you do a Winona' and nick a sackload of designer dresses from a posh Beverley Hills boutique, get busted and then feebly claim a director told you to do it as research for an upcoming film role? Or, do you do a Robert' and shove as much Colombian marching powder as you can up your nose, only to be raided by the feds while prancing around a hotel room in a figurehugging superhero costume with eyes like saucers?

Obviously you should do both. If it means 480 hours of community service, or living in a rehab centre for the next year then so be it. All publicity is good publicity in the bizarre world of showbiz. So, to find The Sims; Superstar, the sixth expansion pack of the most successful game series ever, totally ignoring such ignominious (yet enormously amusing) behaviour and opting instead to simulate something akin to the squeaky clean existence of a Songs Of Praise presenter is a major disappointment.

The Fame Game

Gameplay mostly revolves around singing karaoke and miming in sushi bars, which is hardly blockbuster material. Likewise, frequenting all the favoured haunts of Studio Town's (The Sims equivalent of Hollywood) musicians and actors in an attempt to befriend them with The Sims trademark loon gibberish soon becomes tedious. There really are only so many A-List arses you can lick before extreme irritation with everything from the sound of their voices to the flaky Al sets in. To gain pleasure from Superstar you have to be prepared to accept that stardom is not only achieved, but actually sustained by sitting in a jacuzzi chatting about shoes with Avril Lavigne.

If you live in a happy, fluffy land of Barbie dolls and childhood dreams, then Superstar will fit very nicely into your perception of fame. Yet, for most of us the term superstar conjures up an entirely different image. Where are the smut, drugs, feuds, court cases, car crashes and swimming pool tragedies? With five other perfectly pleasant expansion packs, why, just once, couldn't Maxis have been a little daring?

It's Your Choice

On the other hand why should Maxis care? Fans of the series will buy Superstar regardless of what this review, or any other review says. In fact, why bother reviewing it at all? I could be out playing golf right now... In fact, I could be out playing golf, dressed as a nun (in a stolen habit of course), smoking an enormous joint, churning up greens in my electric buggy, and eventually end up being chased down the fairway by angry green keepers with bats. But then this is how I choose to live my life. It's up to you and your Sims how you live yours.